accidentally primitive...

last night i was waiting for a friend at BV (that's ghetto for Burnside Village) and i was slightly on edge due to the fact that my iPhone battery was sitting at 4%. anyone who owns an iPhone will be somewhat familiar with this feeling. it's not a good one at all!

far too much of what i do on a day to day basis is on that phone. wondering why there was no battery left, i finally worked out that since i'm not getting any phone reception in the city (go figure) my phone was constantly searching for signal and by doing this it drained it's own battery. pretty much iPhone suicide if you ask me

so, there i am, waiting on the million dollar leather couch at "BV" and my phone does the 'spinning wheel of death thing' and goes totally blank. i desperately press on the power button and it comes up with the 'empty battery, so you need to charge it you retard' symbol

of course i was actually waiting for a call from my mate to tell me where we were going to meet... suddenly, i'm slightly of freaking out and running through my options in my head. at the same time i started to think, what would happen if i got locked in here overnight, would it be like the movie 'manequin'? would i be drinking cocktails and raiding the peter alexander store with my new plastic friends that only came to life around me?

then 2 things happened, reality kicked in and so did my impeccable taste for decent movies so i had to scrap that idea quick sticks. i had to think of a plan to get in contact with my friend, to let her know where i was.

idea one didn't last long (i would definitely get kicked out for making smoke signals) and idea two didn't last long either (i didn't have the budget for any cans and string), so what next?

it took me some time to realise that all of my 'sensible' options involved a pay phone. considering i don't know ANY ONE'S number off by heart anymore, the payphone was pretty much useless to me. not to mention that i didn't have any change on me and that the phone would also be rife with germs from having had other peoples ears attached to it at some point. all of a sudden i was totally disgusted with the pay phone. i truly hated that pay phone, it really had fucked up EVERYTHING!

to cut a long story short, i just sat there and my mate eventually rocked up - we went shopping and she had an iPhone charger at her place - so the night wasn't a total abortion after all

i have too much faith in that phone. numbers, calendar, photos, maps, songs, pretty much everything! having the battery die on me turned me into a totally useless being, unable to properly think...

..."what the hell do i do next"

the answer to that question is...

..."there is an app for that..."!

aza
x

keeping a secret...

i don't know about you, but i'm pretty bloody good at telling a secret

well, kind of...

sometimes i'm told things that are so juicy and awesome, that i actually HAVE to tell someone, for my own sanity. it's never the same person mind you. depending on the details of the gossip, i chose my friend wisely and tell them under the "if you tell anyone, i'll have to kill you" oath

take for instance today. i was told some juicy AND awesome gossip that i need to keep secret. however i chose wisely and told one dear friend who will also share the same passion and excitement about the news, however i know that he/she can keep her mouth shut

so yet again, you are witness to another blog containing my ramblings, justifying to myself why i have done something

i figure if i'm willing to share this knowledge then it mustn't be all that bad at all

aza
x

they say it's my birthday...

so, today is my birthday

you should know that as i've made it pretty obvious - yeah, i'm one of *those* people!

i started work today and had to make sure that everyone in our beige office knew that was the case, so i sent this email around to all staff

Dear Staff,

I can confirm that today is my birthday

Please leave any gifts OUTSIDE the production door as I do not wish to speak to anyone today unless the gift is cash

Many thanks

Aza

thankfully at least one other staff member here has a sense of humour and only a couple of hours later, i stepped outside my studio to find this

way to make a guy feel loved! awwwwwww :)

birthdays are fun so i'm going to make mine last a while - possibly a month i think...

the next birthday is the big 3-0... and yes, i've confirmed with dad today that it will be spent in las vegas in the executive suite at Trump Towers... so who's in?

thanks for all the birthday love everyone!

aza
x

"company protocol" blah blah blah...

doesn't it shit you when you try to get something done and you are suddenly faced with some moron (usually some old fuddy duddy) who says "no, we cant do that, it's against company policy"

this happens far too often to me... am i alone here??

with this ring, i thee wee...?

i've seen some awesome inventions around the traps... but THIS one takes the cake

i'd suggest you close your eyes for this one, but i think it would be a little hard to read the blog, so, just imagine

you're a bride, it's your big wedding day. you have spent a LONG time to get ready and you think that the measly task of going for a slash is far too time consuming and difficult considering that it would take a good 20 minutes or so to go the squat in your wedding outfit

WHY NOT PISS IN YOUR WEDDING DRESS?

YES!

(um. no.)

anyway, some moron in the states has invented these Bridal Diapers. so you'll never nned to spoil your big day with a trip to the toilet!

are we really this lazy? what next?

Big Day Out Turd Catchers?
Funeral Funnels?
Job Interview Crap Pants?

i must admit, i used to drink powerade when i worked in retail. they had a bigger opening than most bottles and when i was in the store alone and i HAD to go, well i used to go out the back and pee in one of those. my pee is good enough to bottle anyway - would probably taste the same as powerade too

i digress...

another reason why marriage as a whole should be outlawed... it has that same stale pee smell that nana does

aza
x